This is nowhere
by niewypowiedziane
Summary: Tony and Rhodey celebrate thirty years of their friendship in a way only Tony Stark could come up with, including birthday cake and space travel because that's what they were dreaming about since they were teenagers.


_I gotta get away_

_from this day-to-day_

_running around,_

_Everybody knows_

_this is nowhere._

* * *

'You know that this year it'll be thirty years since we first met?'

'You mean since that time you got your MIT admittance letter a long time before you actually came to study there and Howard took you for a trip to show you off and you bumped into me when you were trying to hide from him so that you wouldn't have to go back to your boring boarding school?' Rhodey says quickly without pausing and Tony grins, perfectly aware that Rhodey is mocking what Tony does all the time to poor unprepared people.

'Yeah, that time,' he admits sheepishly. He was thirteen, but he looked eleven and everyone thought he was some professor's kid and Tony was rightfully offended.

'Thirty years,' Rhodey says, rubbing his eyes. It's probably around two a.m. and he and Tony have been on an inventing binge for at least eight hours, not that any of them really realizes that. 'I can't believe how I managed to stand you for more than a day, really.'

'Hey, don't be mean, cupcake,' Tony pouts, putting the soldering iron into Dummy's expectant claw.

'Probably saved my sanity being away from you on my army missions,' Rhodey muses, ignoring Tony's whines, and Tony smacks his arm, making Rhodey drop the screwdriver he's been holding. 'That's like two thirds of my life,' he adds, blinking and turning around suddenly. Tony jumps slightly.

'Yeah?'

'I've spend two thirds of my life with you. I – you didn't have to remind me. Now I'm gonna lay in bed thinking how could something like that happened –'

'Then it's a good thing we're not going to sleep,' Tony cuts in cheerfully, waving at Butterfingers rolling towards them with a tray topped with sandwiches and coffee. 'It was a good thirty years, overall.'

'It really was,' Rhodey agrees and sips his coffee. Tony watches him with a wide tired smile.

* * *

'Remember what we were dreaming about when we were teenagers? When I stayed in your dorm room instead of that apartment Howard rented for me and we would occasionally spend half of a night reading comic books and making up naïve dreams?'

'I think you wanted to be Captain America,' Rhodey laughs.

'Right, and you wanted to be my Bucky – thanks heavens they don't know about this.'

'Don't they?'

'I made sure,' Tony declares solemnly. 'I'm good at keeping secrets when they are important secrets, you know that, honey'.

'I know that as well as I know you'll never stop with those silly nicknames of yours.'

'Sure won't,' Tony laughs and they go back to the comfortable silence, but Tony observes Rhodey with a curiosity mixed with nostalgia for longer than the situation calls for.

Then he shakes his head, small smile crawling onto his lips, and goes back to work.

* * *

'I'm gonna be busy for the next few days,' Tony announces at lunchtime, when team is engrossed in eating and he's just entered the kitchen to get himself some late breakfast food to take down to the workshop. 'Don't bother me unless it's an emergency. No bribing JARVIS this time, not even you, Burcey, I need my focus for science.'

'Whatever you need, man,' Clint agrees and pours some more almond milk into his cereal. Natasha snatches the bottle out of his hand and pours a small splash into her tea.

Tony assembles a sandwich, steals some of Steve-made spinach lasagna from yesterday and grabs a strawberry soy milk from the fridge – he doesn't want to know who buys those things because it's weird, but he enjoys the artificial flavor anyway – and leaves the room, balancing all the food in his slightly trembling hands.

Lunch and then a nap and then he goes back to work because there are only four weeks left and he's got _a lot _of work to do.

* * *

Rhodey is away on the other end of the country but that's okay, that's even better because Tony doesn't have to hide and pretend to keep his secret a real secret for two more weeks.

There is a _one year after_ press conference where the Avengers remind the world of the events of last May. Tony says a lot of things but he can't really remember what because his brain is pretty used to parallel thinking and while in the depths of his mind he's cataloging the last small upgrades he needs to install and triple-check, and on the surface there are words and smiles and more smiles.

Then Tony conducts practical tests and they go even better than he hoped for.

* * *

June 8th Tony is ready and Rhodey is visiting him for a few days; it's a routine they've established many years ago. None of them ever commented on it or acknowledged how sentimental of two forty-something men it is, pizza and beer and movies on the anniversary of their first meeting.

It changed Tony's life as much as it changed Rhodey's, though, so their insistence on celebrating the day is understandable.

'So, I've got something special for you, fairy cake,' Tony declares after they've finished half on the movie marathon and decided to make a bathroom & popcorn break. 'How are you feeling?'

'Ugh, Tony, why would you ask me that?' Rhodey asks, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

'You okay? Peachy? Nothing you're hiding from me?'

'I'm perfect, thank you, but why the hell do you need to know that?'

'You'll see,' Tony grins and ducks to avoid the paper towel ball hitting his head. 'That's why we're having soda now, babe, not more beer. You don't want a headache.'

'I'm starting to be afraid of what you've cooked up,' Rhodey says, shaking his head, and puts the kernels into the popcorn maker while Tony prepares salted caramel with scientific precision.

* * *

'We're taking a trip,' Tony finally reveals after they've eaten morning pancakes.

Rhodey is staring at him unsurely, still looking slightly sleepy and tired, but he's always like that for the first hour after waking up, despite the many years of being an army man. A cup of coffee should help with solving that problem; JARVIS can apparently read Tony's mind so he starts the coffee machine immediately.

'A trip,' Rhodey repeats, tasting the words at his tongue. 'Okay. Where are we taking a trip to?'

'You won't believe me if I tell you,' Tony teases, leaning against the kitchen counter and waiting for the second mug to be filled. Rhodey is already waiting by the kitchen island, juggling the three brown sugar cubes he'll put into his drink.

'I'm pretty sure I can expect everything when you come into the picture.'

'You can,' Tony laughs, stays silent for a few moments and then puts two old MIT mugs on the marble counter in front of Rhodey. 'We're taking a trip to the Moon.'

'You're crazy, Tony-boy,' Rhodey says easily, stirring his coffee and ignoring Tony's appalled face.

'Sure I am, you've known me long enough to know that, but I'm not joking this time. _Swear_. We're actually taking a trip to the Moon. Like, in two hours. You better work on believing me 'cause we don't have _that_ much time to suit up.'

'Wait wait,' Rhodey says, blinking, and puts his mug back on the marble, as if afraid that he could spill it. 'You mean, to _the_ _Moon_? What the hell, Tony? What did you come up with this time?'

'I am so wounded, here and now,' Tony says, glaring at Rhodey, even though he knows Rhodey isn't completely serious. 'I asked you if you remembered what we were dreaming of when we were teenagers. A few weeks ago. You said being Captain and Bucky and I agreed, but well, since those positions are already taken and I'm pretty sure neither Steve nor James would want to borrow their uniforms, I kind of settled on another thing we talked about a lot –'

'We wanted to be the next people on the Moon, since it's been well over a decade after Apollo's landings,' Rhodey says slowly, as if he was remembering something. 'Now it's forty-one years since Apollo 17.'

'And no one is going there anytime soon. No one but us.'

'And you just happen to have everything ready,' Rhodey says flatly, back to stirring his coffee even though the sugar must have already dissolved.

'Duh, I've been working on a space-proof suit since that stint with nearly dying in a dark cold cosmos on the other side of the portal, it's kinda complicated so some things took me a few months to figure out but once I got them it was easy to actually produce the suits – and don't worry, I've had JARVIS take them remote-controlled into the space for quite a long time and everything way perfect –'

'Tony, I trust you,' Rhodey cuts in and Tony blinks.

'You do? …_that_ much?'

'You think Armstrong and Aldrin didn't have to trust some strangers? And in 1969? Man. it's 2013 and you're Tony fucking Stark, my best friend, a genius extraordinaire and someone whose tin can survived being in a different world for a few minutes _before_ upgrades.'

'When you put it like that,' Tony agrees smugly and takes the last sip of his coffee. 'How about we take off at ten?'

'Good thing I think ahead and made this a ten-day-long holiday, Tony. And JARVIS better have some good music 'cause I swear I'm not going to listen to your talking for the whole what, three days there, three days back?'

'More or less,' Tony says. 'The suit does all the magic and you won't even feel that you have never trained to be an astronaut in your life.'

'It's like you're doing magic,' Rhodey concludes, his voice filled with amusement and awe.

'Only for you,' Tony replies and disappears; a shower before being enclosed in a suit for almost a week sounds particularly nice.

* * *

'I still can't believe you've just created the moon suits on a whim,' Rhodey says five hours into the flight. They've talked about endless things so far, took naps, listened to JARVIS-provided music and discussed how comfortable the new armors are, like, several times, because they _are_ exceptional.

'What do you think I was doing for thirty years?' Tony asks back making Rhodey snicker.

'Getting all those doctorates, CEO-ing the biggest company of the country, playboying – is that even a word? – getting kidnapped, inventing, saving the world, getting a Nobel prize –'

'No need to feed sir's ego,' JARVIS cuts in sassily, but Tony doesn't even ask him to kindly shut up because he's too busy being happy with how his best friend ever see him. Tony would ask several not so charming things he's done in his life, but it's not really time nor place for angsty talk.

'Oh, if we're on feeding, what are we eating? I kind of forgot to ask –'

'No sushi and warm sake this time, buttercup, sorry,' Tony apologizes and asks JARVIS to display the suit's food supplies on Rhodey's HUD. There are several different dishes in the form of paste, maybe not looking very appetizing but they taste just like normal dinner, Tony made sure of it, of course. Very efficient way to eat when he's a busy bee.

'Funfetti cake?' Rhodey asks with disbelief and Tony can vividly imagine the colonel's eyebrows shooting up. 'Like, really?'

'You're not getting your birthday present this year because this is fancy enough to cover all of this year's holidays,' Tony explains patiently. 'So, you can have an early b-day party on the Moon. How cool is that?'

'I hope the suit doesn't have an optional vibranium party hat that appears on your head when you ask JARVIS,' Rhodey comments drily, but Tony can tell easily that he's happy – who wouldn't want to celebrate their special day jumping around the Moon?

'I knew we forgot about something, J,' Tony murmurs unhappily.

'That we did, sir,' JARVIS replies and he sounds a bit too amused for Tony's liking.

* * *

For the next two days and a half they still sleep, talk, argue, listen to music and ignore everything that's far, far under their metal-clad feet. They stare at the stars, so much brighter, and at the Moon that's getting closer and closer, every time after they close their eyes to blink, almost simultaneously, the surface of their destination seems to be just there.

When they finally land on the surface, the Earth is only a crescent-shaped colorful shiny piece standing out on the black background of unmarred space. Tony has JARVIS play _Shine on you crazy diamond _for them and they stare at the breathtaking sights for a long time before actually getting to the American flag and the first footprints, still clearly visible; they make sure not to change anything that the astronauts left there a few decades earlier.

'I can't believe this, Tony. I'm gonna kick your ass if I wake up and discover you got me drunk again during the second part of our bad movie marathon.'

Tony rolls his eyes and Rhodey sees that because they're standing face to face. Rhodey is grinning like a madman and Tony can't help but do the same.

They spend a mere ten hours on the surface before they decide to go back. In the meantime, there is a party including some funfetti cake paste, bad nineties music and somersaults.

'Thirty fucking years. I don't know how I'll repay you for all this,' Rhodey says, making a vague hand wave at the grey dusty surface all around. _The_ _Moon_. Tony has done weirder things in his life, but this is so amazing an incredible that he feels as if his heart was going to burst with excitement all the time.

'It's enough that you've been there all the time, you know,' Tony replies quietly and Rhodey nods. The movement is soft and guarded and it means _go on_. 'I'd have died a few times if it weren't for you. Things like you know, that one time in Egypt and like becoming a human raisin in the middle of an Afghan desert… I gotta say you're as much of a stubborn bastard as I am, candy cane. Rhodey. _James_.'

'Then we're even,' Rhodey decides and then gives Tony a hug, which is pointless and awkward given the combination of being clad in metal and the Moon's gravity, but it makes Tony's gut warm with satisfaction and happiness at having a friend like that. Friends forever, and it's not a teenage joke.

* * *

When they're flying back it doesn't feel like falling, the way the portal did, even though it feels like it should. Tony stares at the stars until his eyes hurt and get dry so he blinks furiously and pretends there are no tears. He can swear Rhodey is doing exactly the same thing.

They don't talk much, though. It's nostalgic and too emotional for both of them and they wish they never had to come back at all, despite everything that's waiting for them. They could be lost-in-space wanderers and they'd be fine, because the universe filled with stars and strange planets and two sets of unmatched breaths would be enough.

'Just wait another thirty years, honeybunch, and I'll make sure we can get into a spaceship, hibernate and travel faster than the light and wake up when the Earth won't exist anymore,' Tony says at some point, already making mental notes to check some ideas with JARVIS. They were meant to be more than just two small people on a vast planet. They were meant to be somewhere better than here and Tony will make sure it happens.

'As apocalyptic as it sounds, I have to say I'll be waiting eagerly,' Rhodey says and then comfortable silence falls between them on the comm line, among the eternal silence of the endless vacuum, and Tony thinks that he can really make that work. And Rhodey trusts him. So they will be best friends until they die because it's like a law of the universe.

And that's worth more than the world.

* * *

**A/N:** Title and the quote come from Everybody knows this is nowhere by Neil Young. I was listening to Shine on you crazy diamond all the time while writing this because the music is visceral.

Thank you for reading! This story is my little birthday indulgence, since I prefer to give gifts than to receive them. I hope you enjoyed yourselves here. I'll love you forever for a review :)


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